Too Bad Nobody Registered All Those Potheads To Vote

Did you know Phish's tribe was 80,000 strong last New Year's Eve at the Everglades concert they played down in Florida? Too bad nobody registered all those potheads to vote on the spot, we wouldn't be stuck with George DWI Bush for the next four years! Unless they turned around and voted for Nader. He was in favor of weed legalization.



I'm gonna give any weed freak who voted for Nader twin knuckle sandwiches next time I see one. Nader's such a square, he's likely never puffed in his life. Al Gore, on the other hand, probably grows hydroponic in his closet. Who's gonna narc on him, Tipper? As far as I'm concerned, Al Gore is the president.

Maybe the stoner nation will surprise me and turn out for a mass smoke-in the night George DWI Bush gets inaugurated. There's gonna be mad protests in D.C., I heard they're gonna spike the Potomac with LSD mixed with DMSO and somebody's planning to drop a planeload of smelly bull dung on every single outdoor inaugural proceeding. Of course, they better hope they're also carrying Colin Powell in that plane, otherwise they ain't gonna be airborne very long!

Just Got Back From Vote Fraud in Florida

A friend of mine just got back in town from helping facilitate vote fraud in Florida. She said it took a long time, helping Jeb stuff those ballot boxes on election night. But since the Bush machine paid her in Confederate dollars, it's all good! Said they were worth twice as much as Union dollars anywhere south of the Mason Dixon line!



If you're brainwashed enough to call yourself a Republican, then you're probably not reading this anyway. But here's some advice: read a book called The People's History Of The United States, by Howard Zinn, who's a professor at Boston University. Then tell me how Republican you feel.

During this constitutional crisis, I've been researching what gave Bush his margin of victory in Florida. And after counting up Bush's base numbers, including a surge among young voters who happened to be DKE frat boys, budding corporate types who like to get shitfaced and drop roofies in girls' blue cups, and future crooked cops and prison guards developing donut addictions as we speak, I've concluded there weren't enough Bush voters to win the state. So the GOP had to cheat! Move to a different, more flexible standard of honesty.


Staged demonstration "protesting" the recount, made up almost entirely of GOP staffers flown in from D.C.

Just like George DWI Bush suddenly decided he doesn’t like the Florida recount once it started turning in Gore’s favor! Hey Bush, wake up! You tried to steal Florida, and still lost the election!